Dad Died Today
Dad Died Today
I was told an aorta broke and he had a massive heart attack after two days of feeling bad. Understand I did not hear this from my Jehovah’s Witness mother or sister, instead, it was communicated to my non-JW family who in turn called me to let me know what happened. It is strange perhaps for the reader to read how life is when you have Jehovah’s Witness family and you are disfellowshipped. You see Jehovah’s Witnesses practice shunning when a former member chooses to leave or is expelled from the religion for not following church rules. Members are told that those who leave are ‘mentally diseased’ and need to be avoided as you would a bad virus. Any member who flaunts this policy will find themselves thrown out as well and thus ‘diseased’ as well. It creates a type of slavery to the will of a publishing company that needs volunteer labor to distribute over one billion pieces of literature a year to generate money for one of the wealthiest religions on earth.
My dad was one of their slaves. He came into the organization in 1957. He went to Kingdom Ministry School when it was a month long, pioneered for many years, served as an elder for over forty years, was an assembly overseer, sub co, and headed many departments at conventions and taught many schools. He was known for his talks that could move an audience to tears and laughter all in the same forty-five minutes. He could remember the name and background of a person he met twenty years ago and had a quiet disarming way of putting anyone at ease and making you feel like he was your best friend. Many times I have known that when faced with difficult people or congregational matters when the choice was offered to take the easy way out or fight for what was right…he would fight for the underdog and often at great cost politically. He had a difficult marriage that in time was resolved with just giving up and losing who he was as a person. While not always making the best decisions as a parent as time progressed he acknowledged his mistakes and tried to make things right. When I had my own family I often took him fishing. It was one of the great loves of his life even though he was not very good at it. I resolved to just drive the boat and point him to the good spots and try to avoid getting hooked or helping him keep from getting tangled in the brush as he was most of the time. I was not in it for the fish it was just to spend some time with him. He told me years afterward they were some of the happiest times of his life.
I recall in 1990 telling my father the organization was lying to us on the 1914 doctrine and they would have to change it. I distinctly recall him saying, “If they do that then I am leaving.” Yet when 1995 came and with a Watchtower article they admitted they lied. I called my dad and said, “SEE I TOLD YOU! Now, what are you going to do?” He mumbled something about being loyal to Jehovah. We were both elders at the time and yet it was a fore gleam of what was to come. From that point forward I decided I would never trust any prophecy made by Watchtower officials. But I would continue to try and serve and help people. That all came to a head when I had to deal with a fellow elder that was a confessed child molester. After almost a year of trying to resolve the matter internally, I was told to ‘Leave it in Jehovah’s hands” when I presented further evidence he was molesting another child. I could not do that. I called my father and told him what was going on. His advice was to “wait on Jehovah”. I said, “Dad can’t do that.” That is one of the last conversations we had. I learned two months later that Watchtower officials had sent a film crew to my parent’s home to try and find out dirt on me. In the course of that interview, my father stated, “My son is just not telling the truth.” The Jehovah’s Witness officials took that clip and made a PR video to discredit me and distributed it in four states to newspaper and television media. I know because two reporters gave me copies. Their comment to me was, ‘How could any religion be so dirty as to pit a father against a son?”
I thought when my father found out how they had used him it might help him see how wicked and corrupt these people were. I sent him a copy…There was no response, no apology, no attempt to connect with his son. The funny part was I was not even disfellowshipped at that time. It was a few months later and the charge was due to reporting child abuse in the organization. I thought if I could help him see it was a worldwide problem that it might help him see the real truth about the organization. We did twenty-four documentaries in thirteen countries. The Watchtower paid out millions in settlements to victims due to our work. Each time I let him know and each time I was met with silence.
I was sent a letter asking me to come back to the organization by my parents. I carefully explained the reason I left was because I could not associate with unethical and immoral people. I did not wish to return to the ‘vomit’ I escaped from. (2 Peter 2:22) At the same time, I assured them of my love and stated if they ever wished to be a family that I was there for them. I loved them both and would always be their son.
That was two years ago. I never got a further response and the only way I could keep up with them is through a non-JW aunt that communicated with them. I would call every couple of weeks and get an update as to how they were doing.
I feel sad for my dad, his whole life was spent in a cult that used him up and discarded him when he was done. He lost out on having a relationship with his only son and not even knowing his only grandson who is a really great person, all because a cult told him not to. At this moment, I think he is somewhere feeling a lot of anger at those that lied to him.
I will miss you and miss the life and relationship we could have had if we just could have been a real family. That was taken away by a wicked evil cult that destroys families. I should know....... it destroyed us.
Dad, I love you and hope you find peace.