Dad’s Funeral
Dad’s Funeral
With a certain amount of trepidation the day arrived for the funeral service of my Dad to be held at the Hot Springs AR, Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I basically went for my son to perhaps try and give him some type of closure to a grandfather he never really knew. So after a seven-hour road trip and picking up my non-JW Aunt we arrived. I happened to bring a flask of tequila as an attempt to dull my senses somewhat.
Upon opening the front door the first person I encountered was my ex-mother-in-law the person that thinks I am evil for helping her daughter to be free. Before she could react I just said, “Hey great to see you!” and gave her a big hug. She was paralyzed for a moment and mumbled some type of greeting but then caught herself but it was too late, I had moved on… As I was dressed like an elder most that I passed nodded or smiled till we got to the entrance of the auditorium. It seems my mother had just arrived and there was a line hugging her. So I got in line. When my turn came she just acted like I had been there all along and gave me a long hug. A person I had seen maybe four times in twelve years and had not spoken to me for the last two years. So I guess it was a type of truce you might say. My son was farther back in the line so he waited his turn as well and was greeted with another ‘nice to see you again’, hug. To be respectful I asked where she wanted me to sit and she said up front with her. So away we went to get the front row. I then saw my sister who also is a JW who also talked as if nothing had happened and we were just all family there for the funeral.
Now this created a kind of rift in the Kingdom Hall as there were people there I had known for fifty years that felt it was now their responsibility to shun me as hard as they could in front of everyone to show their spirituality. Then there were those that did not know me that would come up and introduce themselves and discover I was my father’s son. A couple said they did not know he had a son. Also, there was the third group (smaller) of people that had known me all my life and they just came up and talked like nothing ever happened. So there you have it…the unknowing, the knowing, and the haters all seeming to jockey for position to confront me as I and my son stood in front of the Kingdom Hall. In some ways it was humorous…. yet in others it was sad. The haters included my first cousin and his wife. You see we had a long history, I brought David into the organization, studied with him, he became my regular pioneer partner, we went to bethel together, did temporary construction work at bethel together, served as elders and talked about every week over the phone. Every winter for Christmas break we spent together and I often gave talks in this Kingdom Hall I was now at. Now he was a hater, I had not spoken to him in ten years… Why? When Dateline aired he was the first person I called as he now had the complete picture of the abuse problem in the organization. I was still a JW in good standing at the time but I told him they were going to df me for trying to protect kids. I asked him if he would shun me…. I had not done anything wrong or against God, and would he, in fact, turn his back on me. He said he had to remain loyal to the organization. I said, “OK David I will not speak to you again till someday look in the mirror and realize what you did to your own family. When you do I will forgive you but until that day do not ever speak to me again.” So you might say I df’d him conditioned on an apology. For ten years it has never come. Now he is a hater. To prove it he takes my son aside talks with him and takes pictures with him while ignoring me. Several more of the haters did the same. There were four flower arrangements sent by friends of Silentlambs, the cards were pulled off but they put the arrangements out.
Around this time the non-JW family arrived. They were there to grieve for my dad and had no agendas. There were about ten in all and we hugged and reconnected. You might say this made it more confusing as here was a new group of people I was talking to and not being shunned. The haters were seething…
So the talk began, but first a song. It was one of the new Kingdom songs. I had wondered if the music had improved with the new songs. Let’s just say no….The words you could not understand and the song was unsingable…par for the course.
The talk was delivered by an old friend of the family, Alan Lawsheski. Funny how life parallels itself, not too many years ago I delivered the talk for his dad’s funeral. I talked about his life, his strengths, quirks and what an inspiration his life was. I talked about his love for fishing, bad driving and his unique talent in whistling along with many other things. The family was very appreciative afterwards. Now it was Alan’s turn and what would he do?
He basically said my dad was a nice guy that everyone loved. That took about two minutes. Now he went into the Watchtower marketing mode to sell the doctrine and convince you that you needed to join up. That took thirty minutes and then it was over.
It was after the talk he walked directly up to my mother and I discovered he was a hater as well. Really Alan?? So he sold the Watchtower pitch over my dad’s dead body and shunned me…what a gooood elder…
With a final prayer it was over. There was a meal/reception afterward at a local fire station. I was not invited…. So I asked my non JW family if they would like to have a meal and we all went to Cracker Barrel. We got to have a nice visit, talk about my dad, family and old times. I think it was good for my son to see them again and know there were people that loved him unconditionally.
You see, he saw first hand the way the haters treated his father, the insipid way the talk marketed a religion and the hypocrisy of it all. In the car on the way to eat he said, “This confirms all my reasons for never wanting to be a Jehovah’s Witness.”
That statement alone made the entire affair worth it.
My non-JW relatives also were insulted and incensed at the callous way my father was remembered. It appears the marketing plan was a major blunder in stupidity for a cult.
So overall you might say it was more than I expected but in the end, it was a shitty way to say goodbye to my father. At least that was the appearance to any outsider that might have observed the occasion. To the Jehovah’s Witnesses it was a great witness and a wonderful way to say goodbye.
To my Dad?
Where ever he may be at this moment…I don’t think so…
But up until the moment of his death the Watchtower owned his life, why should they not own his funeral as well for a chance to sell a few more Watchtowers.
* I might add an aftermath, my sister read this post and called me about four am in the morning, she apparently was drunk and left a message for me. She stated that she hoped that I would die and hung up. I guess what I wrote made her angry and gave her a basis to make her comment. Funny how we are accused of being angry when we leave the organization and yet they are the ones that really are the ones that suppress hatred. My sister is one of their victims in the last two years she has attempted suicide twice and apparently is suffering, I hope for her to find freedom and us to one day be brother and sister again. I miss her and the life we might have had if we could have just been family and not destroyed by a multi billion dollar publishing corporation.