After Dad

I watched a movie called ‘After Earth’ and found that the theme affected me deeply when considering my own life. The movie was a Sci-Fi, with the story told about a father that was critically injured trying to guide his son through perilous terrain for a rescue beacon. To survive the atmosphere of the planet, liquid oxygen had to be taken at regular intervals in order to survive. In the course of the journey some of the vials were destroyed making it virtually impossible to complete the mission unless extremely impossible risks were taken. The father told the son to abort the mission as he did not wish to take the chance of losing his son to the elements. Yet the son knew if he did not press on, there would be little chance of rescue and they both would surely die. To decide his fate the young man had to dive off a cliff and attempt to glide for a long distance to gain time. 

You see the son grasped a larger picture; that of ultimate survival of him and his dad, while his dad was focused on the much smaller snapshot of not wishing to be responsible for his son’s death. What would you do if you were the son?

This scenario I related to on many levels as some years ago I came to a place where like this son I was faced with a bigger picture. What was it? It might be described as a moral and ethical issue that was hurting children around the world in the name of religion. It was a horrendous picture that kept me awake at night to just understand the ramifications. For me it meant the end of everything in life I had known and leaping into oblivion to try and find a positive outcome. When I told my father the extent and terrible things I had come to know, his advice, much like in the movie, was abort the mission and go back to where I started. It was an order of sorts based on the much smaller picture he was looking at. That is being family and maintaining the position he so carefully built all his life. His advice was stated in the most simple of terms, “Wait on Jehovah.”

It’s funny as that was what was stated to me just weeks earlier when I attempted to get authorization to report evidence of a child being molested to the authorities. The home office said, “Well just ask him (the molester) about it, and if he says no then leave it in Jehovah’s hands.”

I recall the anger welling up inside as I could see the well being of a child being ignored for the interests and the reputation of a religion. It is the moment that I saw a picture I could not be part of any longer. When I tried to explain it to my father it became evident he would never allow himself to feel responsible for losing the spiritual life of his son. As in the movie, I leapt into a future I had no way of knowing even if I would survive, but I could never go back to what I was or be part of an administration that hurt kids.

In the movie, the mission was successful and the father and son were reunited. There was a moment where the father was helped to his feet as he saluted his son to let him know how proud he was of him. Only in the movies can you have such a happy ending….

My father held the course begging me over and over again to abort…abort and return to the vomit I had escaped from. Each time I would carefully explain why and the importance of the bigger picture of helping thousands to know they were not alone and it was not their fault. This threshold moment allowed so many to move forward with healing and see who the real monsters were.

When I witnessed that moment at the end of the movie I felt emotion and tears come to my eyes. Every son wishes his father to be proud of him, yet my father remained in the cult, shunned his son and grandchildren as in his picture it was the only pressure he could mount to abort the mission and try to make everything the way it once was. That moment of possible common ground was forever snatched away when my father passed away while holding the course and disowning his son. 

I reflect and wonder who suffered the greatest? A father that is trying to save his son by disowning him? Or a son trying to show his father a bigger picture and thus set him free? There are no winners in the answer to either question, in the end there is only loss.

With the movie, the earth was lost to the animal kingdom and no longer inhabitable by humankind as it was too inhospitable an environment to survive. It was called “After Earth”. How ironic that this could be a metaphor for my relationship with my dad. In trying to find justice for the innocent the interaction and love of a father and son was decimated into smithereens. The only thing that was left was this lonely place where we could no longer coexist or find peaceful interface with each other. All that was left is a position that could only be described as…

After Dad…