Loyal Love – What makes a real mother?

The word ‘loyal’ carries so many meanings that identify good things for the person that practices the definition. Someone you can depend on, never let’s you down, defends you always, when the world is against you, always has your back, picks you up when you are down, has that hug or just a pat on the back when no one else seems to care. Then when you add “love” how much deeper the understanding seems to go. Remember the scripture in Corinthians about love? Let’s see, it goes something like this:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.“

When I read that all I can say is WOW. What a beautiful definition to explain a quality for any relationship. Yet when you put the words “loyal” and “love” together then you arrive at a place that I think we would all like to possess and be a part of. There is a song with Jehovah’s Witnesses they sing at their meetings called “Loyal Love” one verse goes something likethis: 

“Loyal love! God is love. May his love move us to love. Loyally we’ll help the meek, As God’s righteous way they seek….”

It is a wonderful thought that carries the idea of looking at your fellow man and helping them as a way to express loyal love. 

Yet when we think about loyal love how much deeper it would seem to go if it were someone that was part of you. A little person you brought into this world and watched grow and develop to adulthood. How do you think you could express this quality to this individual in away that defines this attribute?

Some thoughts that come to my mind might be:

1. Simply saying “I love you” to make you know you are worthy to be loved.

2. Following up words with actions by letting that little person know you approve of them and wish nothing but the best for them.

3. Having their back no matter what the odds. When they make a mistake, find themselves in a bad situation, have a broken heart, financial woes, etc… you are in their corner, giving them a hug, or consolation to know you are going to get through this.

4. No matter what anyone else may say they stick by you and let you know that you are the better part of them.

5. They are like a rock that is always there through good times and bad not overtaking your life, but celebrating the highs and cheering you on, then being there for the lows and picking you up.

6. Your friend that may not always understand you or even approve of your actions, but never the less they accept you as you are.

7. A hug from this person seems to make everything better.

8. A look from this person let’s you know you always have their approval.

9. They are always trying to help you and make your life better.

10. Whether they are a good cook or not, they always try to give you a great meal on special occasions.

11. Are there for significant events in your life to be part of you and your family.

12. Train you how to be self-sufficient so you can feel confident in yourself.

13. Never allows anyone to say bad things about you in their presence.

14. Works to help you have a happy future.

15. Provides the foundation of your self worth and self-esteem.

Perhaps you might be able to add others to this list, but in the over all picture to have a mother like this would provide the foundation to make a better life for anyone they come in contact with. Sadly for many others they find the words “loyal love” far removed from anything to do with the person that brought them into this world. What am I referring to? How about some examples the other way:

1. Never having your back and using you as a surrogate adult for the problems in their life. 

2. When you back is against the wall letting you know you can’t depend on them.

3. Talking bad about you to other friends and family.

4. Shunning you because a religion told them to.

5. Using emotional blackmail to extract what they want from you.

6. When you are at your lowest place kicking you just one more time to make you feel even worse. 

7. Taking significant events in your life and ruining them by their behaviors.

8. When you need a shoulder to cry on being told you are unworthy and worthless.

9. Letting you know on every level that their interests and needs are more important that yours.

10. Lying to you.

11. Letting you know that your children are not important to them.

12. Telling lies about you to others. 

13. Attacking your spouse or children out of jealously. 

14. Using an inheritance as a way to manipulate and control you.

15. Willing to disown you when you do not do everything they say.

These and many others help define the lack of loyal love in a parent child relationship. When these things occur you are left fractured without the stability and security those that have normal relations enjoy. It creates a type of thirst that a person experiences when lost in the desert for days without water. Even a drop on your tongue would be the most wonderful and amazing experience. In a metaphorical way we search for loyal love many times in all the wrong places. We find those that abuse our trust, defraud our friendships, and violate our vulnerabilities. When these things happen we try to go back to the source and find some way to repair the dysfunctional parts of this person that brought us into this world. Then we discover after devotion of yet more energy to this salvage operation that there is nothing of value to gain and you are left with clearing toxins from your life yet again.

I wish there was an adoption agency for adults that have been long orphaned by bad mothers. It would be so nice to have a special person fill the void created by dysfunctional mothers. A person that could do the top fifteen list instead of the one that does the last fifteen list. 

As I reflect on this Mother’s Day I am somewhat relieved of any duty; No one to buy flowers or candy for, no one to take out to a meal and let know how much you love and appreciate them. While it is not my choice, that choice was taken by the religious practices of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Thousands of motherless children will not celebrate Mother’s Day due to requirements of this religion that say you cannot celebrate this holiday and if your child ever leaves the religion they will be shunned and no longer recognized as your child. It’s true, it is not fair, and it is unkind, mean spirited and creates thousands of broken families with no loyal love. 

Rather than focus on what you do not have this day may I make a suggestion? Look to your friends that are mothers that show “loyal love” and invest your energy on them. Buy them flowers or cards to let them know their efforts are appreciated and as an observer you see them for what they are.

Real mothers stick around, real mothers have your back, real mothers to their dying breath wish nothing but the best for you, real mothers protect you keep you safe, real mothers make you always know that you forever have their loyal love.